Overcoming my Suicidal and Depression stage.

Once I’m walking in the darkness, I feel ALONE, EMPTY, ANGRY, HURT, UNWANTED, BROKEN, LOST, SAD, WEAK, MENTALLY DEAD, DEPRESSED and SUICIDAL. I’ve been bullied, People make fun of me, People leave me, I’ve been criticized, I’ve been misjudge, I’ve been hurt so much. Every day I woke up with a thought that “Today is another pain.” School and Home is like hell to me. I’m hurting myself; I’m cutting and burned it, I need to, to feel in control, to express what I really feel, to relieve the pain. Cutting is my drug, its addicting, once I cut I forgot everything that has been wrong. Pain has become my world.

Each time I drag a blade across my tummy and watch the blood slowly start to pour it makes me feel like” IM OKEY NOW”. I’m drowning. I feel ashamed, I feel like no one cares like I’m a mistake. Fake smiles are my weapon, I keep on smiling. Because No one knew I’m hurt. All the scars of my body tell a lot of stories. I’m falling, and I thought it’s impossible to get back up again. I feel hopeless, My life isn’t going anywhere , I’m tired, I’m so sick.

Time came when I almost give up, I try to end my life, I'm dying and I want to, because I want to end my heart’s suffering, I want to stop the pain. I thought that would be the best thing to do. but someone came, He pull me up and set me free, He reminds me of my purpose and that is JESUS. I thought I can’t get back up again, but He came and He rescued me, He pulled me out into darkness and brought me in HIS unbreakable light, in Him nothing is impossible. He fixed me, He healed me, and He speaks to me, and reminds me who I am in Him. In Him I’ve been redeemed, I have the freedom, The Peace and The real JOY. There’s no now condemnation. Where there was once a chasm of hurt, There is now a vast of Grace and Forgiveness. Where there was once contention and strife, There is now Joy and Unconditional Love.